Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

	Rating: 2 out of 5 Original Title: Tokyo crisis wars Release Date: 1991 Director: Kazuo ‘Gaira’ Komizu Netflix Link IMDb Link

Meteor crashes, toxic clouds, zombies, battle girls… what could go wrong? Everything. I am all for cheese and Japan does some of the best cheese I’ve ever seen, especially the creative and gushing blood varieties, but this one goes beyond cheesy. This was a new release so I figured it was a new film. Once again, reading comprehension FAIL on my part. It was made in 1991, but it looks like it was made in 1981 with all the terrible special effects and new wave costumes. The only thing worse than a cheesy American 80′s movie is a cheesy Japanese 80′s movie. There wasn’t enough cheese to make it a good-bad movie; it just winds up being bad. Battle Girl isn’t really worth anyone’s time unless you want to see how terrible a movie can be in all quantifiable categories of terrible. Watch Hard Revenge, Milly instead.

Samurai Princess

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Samurai purinsesu: Gedô-hime Release Date: 2009 Director: Kengo Kaji Netflix Link IMDb Link

Sword-fighting, cannibalism, arterial spray, bad special effects – and that’s all before the title sequence. Samurai Princess is ridiculous. It could be ridiculously entertaining or just ridiculously bad, depending on your frame of mind. Make no mistake, this is a terrible movie chock full of unimpressive special effects make-up mixed with CGI and they don’t even try to blend the two, shaky cam, a bizarre storyline and more dismembered limbs than you would even care to count. The acting is melodramatic, but too be fair, making your way through the dialog without cracking up laughing does prove some acting chops. Samurai Princess is worth watching if you’re looking for a really, really bad and goofy movie that doesn’t even attempt to be serious cinema.

Samurai School

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Sakigake!! Otokojuku Release Date: 2008 Director: Tak Sakaguchi Netflix Link IMDb Link

If you’ve seen some of Tak Sakaguchi’s films, you should already have a pretty good idea of what to expect with Samurai School; lots of fighting, posturing, displays of manliness, a little comedy and a farcical plot. Sakaguchi adapted the screenplay from the manga, directed and starred in Samurai School. It fits nicely alongside Death Trance or Versus, but with less seriousness, a little more comedy and a lot more satire. Samurai School pokes fun at Japanese male machismo by presenting plenty of its own. In fact, the literal title is ‘Be a Man!! Samurai School’ and the character of the drill instructor seemed like a caricature of Toshiro Mifune. The plot is silly, but it never takes itself too seriously. The fact that it was filmed in two weeks with an ultra low-budget shows, but all in all, it’s not an entirely unpleasant way to spend 110 minutes.

Big Man Japan

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Dai-Nihonjin Release Date: 2007 Director: Hitoshi Matsumoto Netflix Link IMDb Link

A tongue-in-cheek mockumentary poking much fun at the kaiju (strange beast) genre. Big Man Japan is nothing if not original which is difficult to accomplish in this long-standing genre. The story sneaks up very slowly so that when our rundown protagonist does go to work, it gives it that much more emphasis. CGI is slightly overused, but it does make for excellent contrast to the surreal conclusion. If you are looking for an action-packed monster movie, this is not it. Instead, you’ll find a sad and funny satirical commentary that shreds its predecessors. Big Man Japan is fun and goofy ride only for those looking for something different and entirely not serious.

Tokyo!

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Release Date: 2008 Director: Michel Gondry, Leos Carax, Joon-ho Bong Netflix Link IMDb Link

I wasn’t expecting all that much with this trio of vignettes so I was pleasantly surprised by what I received. Each of the three stories is a far-fetched fable, beautifully filmed and acted with more than a little surreality and fantasy infused. Three different directors telling three tales with the only common threads being Tokyo, and the complete isolation and ostracism it can create. All of the main characters are outsiders, either by choice or circumstance, much like the directors themselves. Even though they all have differing perspectives and plots, all three short films fit nicely together into a total package that is definitely worth watching.

Karaoke Terror: The Complete Japanese Showa Songbook

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Shôwa kayô daizenshû Release Date: 2003 Director: Tetsuo Shinohara Netflix Link IMDb Link

Karaoke Terror was surprisingly better than I thought it would be. Perhaps because I really wasn’t expecting much at all. Regardless, it managed to entertain me. It is a very oddball story of dueling murders. Half light-heated, half deathly-serious, it mixes human drama, a little bit of humor, some silliness and some of the oddest Karaoke performances by people who can’t really sing into an amusing mishmash of a film. Based on a novel by Ryu Rurakami who also wrote Audition and Tokyo Decadence, Karaoke Terror is just as twisted, but not quite as serious. If you are a fan of that bizarre Japanese humor, you might enjoy this one too.

World Sinks Except Japan

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Nihon igai zenbu chinbotsu Release Date: 2006 Director: Minoru Kawasaki Netflix Link IMDb Link

Fascinating concept, very low-budget, B-movie execution; World Sinks Except Japan is almost entertaining. Almost. Spoof is the key word here. It pokes fun at almost every country on Earth, especially the United States, while aggrandizing Nippon even with little musical interludes. It does have some entertaining moments, but it’s mostly unexceptional. Some Gojira movies have better production values, and with the exception of the Japanese cast, the acting is just bad, bad, bad. Especially the “Americans” who are actually mainly European. If you’re in the mood for a bad movie that is sometimes almost good, this is the film for you. I might add that not being 100% sober could possibly aid in your enjoyment.

The Great Yokai War

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Yôkai daisensô Release Date: 2005 Director: Takashi Miike Netflix Link IMDb Link

It seems as if Peter Pan met The NeverEnding Story somewhere in Takashi Miike’s brain and we ended up with The Great Yokai War. Actually, this film is Miike’s take on the Yokai Monsters series from the 60′s. It is a story about a child, but not necessarily a children’s story as there are some pretty dark moments. The fantastical plot seems easier to follow if you have at least a cursory knowledge of Japanese folklore. Yokai are supernatural beings that range from good to evil in Japanese mythology. Some are animals, some used to be human and others are inanimate objects that come to life on their one-hundredth birthday, which is why you will see such Yokai as a wall, an umbrella or a jar of sake. Visually, parts of this film are devastatingly beautiful, while other parts seem lackluster in comparison. Because of its fairy-tale nature, The Great Yokai War is made up mostly of special effects, but without the big Hollywood budget giving it an almost cartoonish quality. All things considered, it is yet another intriguing film from Miike which showcases his boundless imagination.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

	Rating: 2 out of 5 Release Date: 2008 Director: Darren Lynn Bousman Netflix Link IMDb Link

Twisted Pictures should pack up the script, sets, costumes and, hell, even Sarah Brightman, and ship it off to Asia. Then, maybe, just maybe, they could take it and turn it into something I might enjoy watching. Nobody can make a wacky movie like this better than the Japanese. Had they infused a little bit of humor here and there, cut back on the singing by about 70% and not taken themselves so damn seriously, this might have been worth watching. As it is, Repo! is trying so hard that it fails on all counts. So, my rating is as follows; +1 star for Sarah Brightman, +1 for Alexa Vega, +1 for story, +1 for sets and +1 for visuals. -1 star for the rest of the cast, a separate -1 for putting that overworked hack, Paris Hilton, on film, and -1 for pretty much singing the entire film. Even The Rocky Horror Picture Show has lines of dialogue scattered throughout. Repo!, you disappoint me.

Tokyo Gore Police

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Tôkyô zankoku keisatsu Release Date: 2008 Director: Yoshihiro Nishimura Netflix Link IMDb Link

Had I not seen The Machine Girl first, I would have thought this was the best thing since sliced bread. But, since I did, Tokyo Gore Police seems like another attempt by Nikkatsu Studios to cash in on buckets and buckets of gore. And that is precisely what this movie has, along with a fairly original backstory, dubious special effects, a barely capable female heroine, some Robo-Cop style commercials scattered throughout and one amazingly cool swordfighting scene towards the end. Plus, gore, gore, gallons of gushing blood and some more gore. Obviously, if you liked The Machine Girl, you’ll probably like this film too. Just don’t expect it to surpass it.