Soo

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Korean: 수 Release Date: 2007 Director: Yoichi Sai Netflix Link IMDb Link

The most discouraging kind of film, for me, is the kind that has a lot of potential, but just never makes the best use of it. That is the case with Soo. There are a great number of things I liked about it – the cinematography, the cast, the sound effects, the incredibly raw and powerful violence – but I found the sum total of its parts to be lacking. First of all, it’s over 2 hours long when it doesn’t really need to be. If they had chopped at least a half an hour out of it, it would have made for a much tighter story. Secondly, the plot was a little bit what the fuck? I won’t go into detail for the sake of spoilers, but some of the actions by the character made me wonder if they weren’t a little off in the head or maybe not even human.

And finally, even though the fight scenes in this film are supremely badass, they furthered the concept that maybe this wasn’t a story about humans after all, but about robots; battle robots who have seen a few movies about humans and are doing their best impersonation of what they think they are, but fail. In John Woo style, Soo teaches us that nobody ever runs out of ammo unless it’s integral to the plot, you can get stabbed at least 15 times and still fight back, and body parts, like ears, are surprisingly easy to rip off with your bare hands. If you’re the main character, you can can get repeatedly stabbed, shot at least three times, beaten with baseball bats, crowbars, fists, feet and whatever other bludgeoning tools are at hand, and you can still fight until you get retribution. See? Robots.

Unfortunately, Soo makes the cinema cardinal sin of not being bad or good, but of simply being mediocre. It’s not entirely unwatchable and worth a shot if you like violent revenge films, but it’s not anything I would strongly recommend.

Hard Revenge, Milly Double Feature

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Hâdo ribenji, Mirî / Hâdo ribenji, Mirî: Buraddi batoru Japanese: ハード・リベンジ、ミリー Release Date: 2008 / 2009 Director: Takanori Tsujimoto Netflix Link IMDb Link: Part 1, Part 2

Hard Revenge, Milly has a double feature on one disc; Hard Revenge, Milly and Hard Revenge, Milly: Bloody Battle. The first movie is only about 45 minutes long though, and the the second is just over an hour. It actually might have been more effective had they boiled it down to only one movie. Hard Revenge, Milly was what Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay was trying to be and failed. It features a very capable lead heroine in Miki Mizuno, awesomely bad special effects, cheesy dialog, waaaaaaaay over the top fight scenes and more gore than you ever thought possible. Weeeeee! It’s not as good as The Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police in the same genre, but it’s worth a watch if you love high-octane splatter and your expectations aren’t all that high. Actually, I would recommend watching it right after Battle Girl and it will seem like the most awesome movie(s) ever in comparison.

Bloody Territories

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Arakure Release Date: 1969 Director: Yasuharu Hasebe Netflix Link IMDb Link

Bloody Territories is a Nikkatsu Yakuza exploitation film like any other really, except that they actually show the bizarre Yakuza reconciliation ceremony (involving raw fish, swords and rhythmic hand clapping). Yasuharu Hasebe wants sooooo desperately to be Kinji Fukasaku and Akira Kobayashi is trying so hard to be Jo Shishido. Both of them fall short in their attempts. Regardless, Bloody Territories is aptly named as nearly everyone in this film gushes a monstrous amount of blood as they are violently stabbed to death over a struggle for the prized Shinjuku territory. Hooray for gushing blood. Underhanded deals, back-stabbing (both literal and figurative) and honor (mostly lack thereof) abound in the quest for the top. It’s not the best nor worst of its kind and worth a watch if you like violent Yakuza films.

Samurai Princess

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Samurai purinsesu: Gedô-hime Release Date: 2009 Director: Kengo Kaji Netflix Link IMDb Link

Sword-fighting, cannibalism, arterial spray, bad special effects – and that’s all before the title sequence. Samurai Princess is ridiculous. It could be ridiculously entertaining or just ridiculously bad, depending on your frame of mind. Make no mistake, this is a terrible movie chock full of unimpressive special effects make-up mixed with CGI and they don’t even try to blend the two, shaky cam, a bizarre storyline and more dismembered limbs than you would even care to count. The acting is melodramatic, but too be fair, making your way through the dialog without cracking up laughing does prove some acting chops. Samurai Princess is worth watching if you’re looking for a really, really bad and goofy movie that doesn’t even attempt to be serious cinema.

Zero Woman: Red Handcuffs

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Zeroka no onna: Akai wappa Release Date: 1974 Director: Yukio Noda Netflix Link IMDb Link

Zero Woman is standard fare for a 70′s Japanese exploitation film; gushing blood, rape, violence, half-naked women in bondage and a pretty conventional plot. The female lead is supposed to be a badass cop turned con who is sent undercover to foil a kidnapping in order to gain her freedom from prison. Yet, rather than actually acting on her task, she spends most of the time not doing much of anything other than brooding. When she does actually do something, the scenes, while interesting and even fairly original, aren’t quite enough to counterbalance all of the sitting around. There are much more action-packed female lead exploitation films out there from this same time period.

Full Metal Yakuza

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Release Date: 1997 Director: Takashi Miike Netflix Link IMDb Link

Like Miike himself, I was drawn to Full Metal Yakuza by the title, but the end result is a straight-to-video film of mediocre quality. Full Metal Yakuza was made when video rental sales were in full swing. Distributors were clambering to fill empty shelves on video store walls. Most of Miike’s films made during this period are of questionable quality. Miike, being of questionable quality himself, cashed in on market demand with film after slapdash film. It’s a wonder that he survived this era and still is able to make films today. I, for one, keep wading through Miike’s back catalog since there are, in fact, some hidden gems. Full Metal Yakuza may or may not be one of them depending on your standards and expectations. If you’re looking for a not-so-serious, low-budget fantasy film full of violence, half-assed special effects, some brief half-nudity, a little bit of bondage, and lots and lots of gushing blood, this is for you. There are some highlights and the story is nothing if not original, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to anyone who isn’t a Miike completist.

The Midnight Meat Train

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Release Date: 2008 Director: Ryuhei Kitamura Netflix Link IMDb Link

I really wanted to like The Midnight Meat Train, and for a while there, I did. There are some spectacular slow-motion gore scenes and the violence in this movie is just awe inspiring. It’s not surprising coming from Ryuhei Kitamura. And when you add Vinnie Jones, it’s just got to be good, right? Well, not so much. Part of the problem is that I hated the main character, Leon. He and his insipid girlfriend inspired zero sympathy from me. I could have forgiven that if not for the atrocious resolution. I haven’t read the story on which this movie is based, and after seeing the movie, I have absolutely no desire to do so. For most of the film, I was asking why is this happening? I would have been better off not knowing since, once they finally revealed it, I thought it was just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m giving MMT 3 stars because of the nicely done gore and Vinnie Jones, but really, that is way more than it deserves.

Tokyo Gore Police

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Tôkyô zankoku keisatsu Release Date: 2008 Director: Yoshihiro Nishimura Netflix Link IMDb Link

Had I not seen The Machine Girl first, I would have thought this was the best thing since sliced bread. But, since I did, Tokyo Gore Police seems like another attempt by Nikkatsu Studios to cash in on buckets and buckets of gore. And that is precisely what this movie has, along with a fairly original backstory, dubious special effects, a barely capable female heroine, some Robo-Cop style commercials scattered throughout and one amazingly cool swordfighting scene towards the end. Plus, gore, gore, gallons of gushing blood and some more gore. Obviously, if you liked The Machine Girl, you’ll probably like this film too. Just don’t expect it to surpass it.

The Machine Girl

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Kataude mashin gâru Release Date: 2008 Director: Noboru Iguchi Netflix Link IMDb Link

Nikkatsu Studios has a long and storied history of bringing violence, torture and gallons of gushing blood to the big screen. It’s nice to see that the tradition lives on with The Machine Girl. Not for the timid, this film is all about chainsaw campiness and decapitated limbs. With its flashy cinematography, some not so subtle special effects and a fairly standard, killing for vengeance plot, it fits nicely alongside any of the goriest horror flicks. The Machine Girl isn’t about terror. It’s more of an homage to the best of gore and over the top splatter is what it delivers to the highest degree. If you like your gore with a side of camp, The Machine Girl is a fun little ride.

Blind Woman’s Curse

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Kaidan nobori ryu Release Date: 1970 Director: Teruo Ishii Netflix Link IMDb Link

Blind Woman’s Curse is an interesting combination of Japanese folklore and superstition, Yakuza culture and B-rated horror movie. Ostensibly, it’s a Yakuza film but, for seemingly no reason, although not entirely unwelcome, it throws in a macabre carnival and some horror scenes including black cats licking excised skin. It also has its share of gushing blood, reincarnation, bizarre comedic interludes and sword fighting sequences. I don’t think Teruo Ishii’s mind was entirely on making this film. It seems rather disjointed. It is not the best nor worst of his films. For what it is, Blind Woman’s Curse is entertaining.