Zombies of Mass Destruction

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Release Date: 2009 Director: Kevin Hamedani Netflix Link IMDb Link

Zombies of Mass Destruction definitely had potential, but it didn’t quite make it there. Unfortunately, it tried to cover too much ground, especially for a zombie movie. Sexual orientation, politics, racism, ignorance and religion are all covered. Romero was known for throwing social commentary in his films, but Kevin Hamedani is no Romero. Not to mention that Romero’s commentary was a lot more subtle. You can’t try to be a serious political/social issues drama AND a comedy at the same time. Pick one. At best, the acting seemed very high school drama class with the exception of the Iranian girl, played by Janette Armand. I didn’t dislike it, but I found it mildly disappointing. Strangely, for a low-budget film, the best thing about it were the effects.

I Sell The Dead

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Release Date: 2008 Director: Glenn McQuaid Netflix Link IMDb Link

I Sell The Dead was not quite as good as I had hoped it would be. It was disjointed at best, deadly dull at worst. It’s a period piece, yet, incongruously, it features such items as vampires, zombies and aliens. To its credit, it does have a fairly entertaining and unique story with a really good cast. Honestly though, I felt like I had seen it before. I didn’t dislike it, but it could have been a whole lot better. Normally, I’d give this 3 stars, but in comparison to all the claptrap to come out of Hollywood in the last few years, I’ll give it 4 stars for at least attempting to be original and for being the most original American movie I’ve seen in a while.

Hard Revenge, Milly Double Feature

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Hâdo ribenji, Mirî / Hâdo ribenji, Mirî: Buraddi batoru Japanese: ハード・リベンジ、ミリー Release Date: 2008 / 2009 Director: Takanori Tsujimoto Netflix Link IMDb Link: Part 1, Part 2

Hard Revenge, Milly has a double feature on one disc; Hard Revenge, Milly and Hard Revenge, Milly: Bloody Battle. The first movie is only about 45 minutes long though, and the the second is just over an hour. It actually might have been more effective had they boiled it down to only one movie. Hard Revenge, Milly was what Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay was trying to be and failed. It features a very capable lead heroine in Miki Mizuno, awesomely bad special effects, cheesy dialog, waaaaaaaay over the top fight scenes and more gore than you ever thought possible. Weeeeee! It’s not as good as The Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police in the same genre, but it’s worth a watch if you love high-octane splatter and your expectations aren’t all that high. Actually, I would recommend watching it right after Battle Girl and it will seem like the most awesome movie(s) ever in comparison.

Battle Girl: The Living Dead in Tokyo Bay

	Rating: 2 out of 5 Original Title: Tokyo crisis wars Release Date: 1991 Director: Kazuo ‘Gaira’ Komizu Netflix Link IMDb Link

Meteor crashes, toxic clouds, zombies, battle girls… what could go wrong? Everything. I am all for cheese and Japan does some of the best cheese I’ve ever seen, especially the creative and gushing blood varieties, but this one goes beyond cheesy. This was a new release so I figured it was a new film. Once again, reading comprehension FAIL on my part. It was made in 1991, but it looks like it was made in 1981 with all the terrible special effects and new wave costumes. The only thing worse than a cheesy American 80′s movie is a cheesy Japanese 80′s movie. There wasn’t enough cheese to make it a good-bad movie; it just winds up being bad. Battle Girl isn’t really worth anyone’s time unless you want to see how terrible a movie can be in all quantifiable categories of terrible. Watch Hard Revenge, Milly instead.

Samurai Princess

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Samurai purinsesu: Gedô-hime Release Date: 2009 Director: Kengo Kaji Netflix Link IMDb Link

Sword-fighting, cannibalism, arterial spray, bad special effects – and that’s all before the title sequence. Samurai Princess is ridiculous. It could be ridiculously entertaining or just ridiculously bad, depending on your frame of mind. Make no mistake, this is a terrible movie chock full of unimpressive special effects make-up mixed with CGI and they don’t even try to blend the two, shaky cam, a bizarre storyline and more dismembered limbs than you would even care to count. The acting is melodramatic, but too be fair, making your way through the dialog without cracking up laughing does prove some acting chops. Samurai Princess is worth watching if you’re looking for a really, really bad and goofy movie that doesn’t even attempt to be serious cinema.

Thirst

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Original Title: Bakjwi Release Date: 2009 Director: Chan-wook Park Netflix Link IMDb Link

Since Chan-wook Park’s Oldboy made it onto my favorite films of all time list the first time I watched it, I had very high expectations of Thirst. Possibly too high since very few directors can repeat that level of excellence. That being said, Thirst was nearly everything I hoped it would be. It is funny, sad, violent, twisted and just plain awesome. Although it’s not quite as good, it’s the best Park film since Oldboy. The story is original, the direction is great, the acting is excellent, especially by Ok-vin Kim who makes a remarkable transformation from a meek and subservient woman to a take-no-prisoners badass. I have a few minor issues with the plot, but nothing all that serious. With Thirst, Chan-wook Park has shifted from the director of one of my favorite films to one of my favorite directors.

Arang

	Rating: 4 out of 5 Release Date: 2006 Director: Sang-hoon Ahn Netflix Link IMDb Link

This film is partially based on a Korean folk legend where a girl named Arang was brutally raped and murdered. She haunted each successive magistrate until her murder was avenged. The film doesn’t quite tell the same story as the legend, but the spirit is similar. Arang is better than a lot of ghost-seeking-vengeance films that I’ve seen, although it doesn’t particularly add much by way of new or original to the horror genre. The synopsis calls it a spooky thriller, but it is much more than that. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a traditional horror film; it’s more of a murder mystery wrapped in a horror package, but I wouldn’t recommend it for those who are merely looking for a thriller. While Arang is not the most original, suspenseful or even most frightening horror film I’ve seen, it’s certainly above average.

The Suicide Song

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Densen Uta Release Date: 2007 Director: Masato Harada Netflix Link IMDb Link

The Suicide Song had the potential to be really good, unfortunately, it didn’t quite live up to it. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to watch it in two sittings. During the first part of the movie, I was satisfied with where it was heading. It left just enough to the imagination to be ultra creepy. I wish I had left it at that, because I just happened to stop watching it right before the little CGI goblins or demons or whatever they were made an appearance. CGI plus ghost story equals fail. I’ve never seen a CGI anything that could rival the power of imagination. While I didn’t dislike The Suicide Song, I was hoping that it would be more than it was.

Kwaidan

	Rating: 5 out of 5 Original Title: Kaidan Release Date: 1964 Director: Masaki Kobayashi Netflix Link IMDb Link

I do love a good ghost story. Especially the folkloric Japanese variety that are less about thrills and scares than they are portending woe as a result of human foibles. They don’t necessarily preach morality, but they make it very clear as to what the spirit world is willing to forgive and what it is not. The four stories in this film all share the same theme of mending your ways before it’s too late. There is a price to be paid for vanity, greed and excess. This movie is easily one of the more beautiful classic Japanese films around. Right up there with Mizoguchi’s Ugetsu, it is beautifully composed and a necessary watch for any Japanese cinephile.

Detective Story

	Rating: 3 out of 5 Original Title: Tantei Monogatari Release Date: 2007 Director: Takashi Miike Netflix Link IMDb Link

Detective Story seems more like a made-for-TV movie than a feature film which would actually account for the strangely blurred-out gore and peculiar editing in some sequences. It’s not a bad story, even though I saw the ending coming a mile away, but there was a little too much cheese factor. The comic relief throughout makes the serious parts seem awkward. It seems like Detective Story couldn’t decide if it wanted to be a horror film, a comedy or just a straight detective drama. The main character, Kazuya Nakayama, is goofy and bumbling, but also rather believable as the titular detective. Everyone else is just along for the ride. As far as shocks and thrills go, Miike has much more available elsewhere. Detective Story would not be one of my highest recommendations.